The ROI of a Kind Word

Some business leaders are willing to spend thousands on HR systems to improve employee engagement, while in their leadership style overlook the value of kind words—which cost them nothing.

We all have a general sense for what kindness means. But what does it mean in the workplace? It means letting people know you appreciate them and showing a sincere interest in them.

What Is a Kind Word?

A kind word is more than just a perfunctory “thank you,” as when a restaurant server refills our water glass. A word of kindness should include some explanation, some details about what you appreciate in that team member. In other words, it should be specific.

For example,

• “I noticed what you did in our meeting this morning. You calmed down the situation and kept the meeting from turning into an argument.”

• “I like how the final version of that presentation turned out. I couldn’t have done it without you. That’s going to help us get approval for this project.”

• “Thanks for helping Jack with that assignment. I could tell he was struggling. I didn’t ask you to help him, but you did anyway.”

A kind word also must be sincere. In other words, you need to mean it. Otherwise, team members will feel like you are trying to manipulate them. Insincerity kills kindness.

Moreover, kind words should never be condescending, like a parent praising a child, saying “Good job!” As I’ve said elsewhere, the workplace is not a family, and leaders are not parents. When giving a kind word, treat others as equals, not as children.

Finally, kindness is more than niceness. Being nice refers to positive attributes about yourself. For example, a nice person may be polite, pleasant, refined, or agreeable. But kindness is about how you treat others. A kind person is one who thinks of others and seeks to support them, help them, and encourage them. A person can be “nice” but rarely show kindness. Niceness is about you. Kindness is about others. [1]

“I Like to Edify”

I have long recognized the value of kindness in the workplace. But the principle was crystalized for me by a coworker at the SI Firm I wrote about in a previous post. One of our senior consultants, Paul Funk, said something to a younger team member about the positive impact he had on a project. I mentioned to Paul that I noticed it. Paul responded, simply, “I like to edify.” He knew the value of a kind word.

Over the years, this became a favorite saying of mine: “I like to edify.”

But what does edify mean? To edify someone is to build them up. Too often in the workplace, we only give feedback when it is negative. The accumulated effect, over time, is to tear people down, or, at least, wear them down. Does that mean we never give negative feedback (or, more accurately, constructive feedback)? Of course we do, and we must [2].

But if all a team member ever hears from us is negative feedback, it can be difficult to take. Constructive feedback is far more effective when team members know they have our support, that we are on their side, that we want them to succeed. We are for them, not against them.

“I Need to Hear That from Someone Like You”

Sometime after that conversation with Paul, I had another experience that made a deep impression on me. A coworker had done a good job on something, and I mentioned that in an email. She wrote back, “I need to hear that.” Her message was somewhat ambiguous, and I didn’t know her well at the time, so I replied, “I know you are joking.”

She immediately wrote back, with words I will never forget, “No Frank, I really mean it, I need to hear that from someone like you.”

What did she mean? I don’t want to read too much into it, but I can only conclude that she recognized me as a leader in the firm, and she had a need to feel appreciated. As leaders we sometimes forget that what we say carries weight, both positively and negatively.

The ROI of a Kind Word

Return on investment is a simple concept. The numerator is the benefit over some time period, and the denominator is the cost of the investment over the same period. The benefit of a kind word is that the employee is encouraged and motivated. Multiplied across the entire workforce, the value is increased employee satisfaction, improved employee engagement, and a higher performing organization.

But the denominator is zero! A kind word costs you nothing. You can’t divide by zero, so you can’t even measure the ROI. Over time, the ROI is enormous!

Dale Carnegie, an early influence on my career [3], once said,

If you can be kind and considerate for one day, then you can be for another.
It won’t cost you a penny in the world.

I find it ironic that some business leaders are willing to spend tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars on HR technology to improve employee engagement, while at the same time, in their leadership style, overlook the value of kind words—which cost them nothing.

So why are leaders often so stingy with kind words? Some may think if they express appreciation, subordinates might get lazy. Some leaders secretly like employees to be a little bit nervous about their performance. Or they might be afraid that if they express appreciation, employees might ask for more money.

In other words, they view a kind word as an informal performance review. Unless they see the employee’s performance (on a five-point scale) as at least a four, they say nothing. If it is just a three (“meets expectations”), they remain silent. “That’s called just doing your job,” they think.

But a kind word is not a performance review. It should be a sincere recognition of some specific behavior. Even team members that are not meeting expectations overall usually do something well. Notice that and recognize that. Then when it is time for the performance review, your constructive feedback will be much more effective.

The need for kindness is also not a generational thing. I hear a lot today about Gen Z employees (born from about 1997 to 2012) needing a lot of positive affirmation. Perhaps that’s true—it doesn’t matter. In my experience, everyone needs a kind word from time to time. As a Boomer, I can tell you, I need it. Even leaders need it. (Similarly, we all need constructive feedback, even the leaders).

For All Relationships

I wrote in an earlier post that the workplace is not a family. Nevertheless, the principle of kindness applies to all human relationships. We should speak kind words in the workplace, and we should speak them at home. We should speak them to friends and neighbors and even to strangers. And social media would be a much better place if we practiced kindness more often!

End Notes

[1] A kind person is often a nice person, but a nice person is not always a kind person. Again, niceness is about you. Kindness is about how you treat others. We all know people who are quite nice, but they do not often show kindness toward others. Likewise, we all know people who might be a little rough around the edges—not so “nice”—but are consistently kind.

[2] Again, this does not mean we never give constructive feedback. And, no, it does not mean we never take disciplinary action. I ran two businesses for two decades, and, on several occasions, I had to terminate employees for cause. Kindness is not about treating employees with kid gloves.

[3] Roger Beard, a manager of mine over forty years ago, gave me a copy of Carnegie’s book, How to Win Friends and Influence People. I still go back and re-read it from time to time. I mentioned Rodger quite a bit in this earlier post.

Like this post? Browse my past posts.

Credits

Creative Commons Kindness Image.