Best Practices in Giving Feedback
How to give feedback so that it’s well received.
In a recent post, I discussed receiving feedback as a key factor in our personal and professional growth. Now, let’s look at the other side: How to deliver feedback in a way that makes it easier for the recipient to benefit from it.
When we’re on the receiving end, we should be open to the feedback regardless of how it is delivered. If the one giving us feedback is sensitive and supportive, that’s great. But if not, we should not reject it out of hand. As I wrote:
The person giving feedback may be angry or irritated, making it easy to discount what they say. Rather, you should consider, “Putting aside how this was communicated, could there be something important for me to understand here about myself?
But when you’re the one delivering feedback, the principle is the opposite. You should tailor your approach depending on the person. In other words, the golden rule—do unto others as you would have them do unto you—does not apply here. Rather, deliver feedback in the way the recipient would prefer to receive it, as we’ll cover shortly.
In this post, I focus on giving feedback to people in the workplace. Nevertheless, these best practices also apply to our personal lives. In addition, feedback can be about their work product, such as a written report or a presentation. But it can also be about their behavior, how they work with others. This type of feedback can be difficult to deliver if it involves our interpersonal relationship with that person—whether the other person is our manager, our subordinate, or a coworker.
General Principles in Giving Feedback
Although we should tailor our feedback to the recipient, there are still some principles that apply generally.
Be willing to take a risk. Giving feedback is an opportunity to make a positive difference in a coworker’s effectiveness and in the workplace generally. But too often we shy away from giving it. We may be afraid it will create conflict. In other words, it’s often easier not to do it. But this is not the best way. If you see a problem with a coworker’s or even your manager’s behavior, don’t just let it slide to avoid a difficult conversation. If you’re giving a mandatory performance review, don’t just go through the motions. Give honest, helpful, and supportive feedback. There may be personal risks for you, but ultimately, it will benefit the recipient and the workplace.
Balance the negative with the positive. Here you can use the “sandwich method:” mention something positive before and after pointing out something negative. For example, in evaluating a coworker’s draft sales presentation you might say: “I like your introduction, zeroing in on the prospect’s pain point. But then you spend too much time talking about our corporate history. The prospect doesn’t want to hear about us; they want to hear about them. I would use that section to talk about possible root causes for that pain and see where you get heads nodding. On the other hand, I do think the client case studies you gave at the end are especially good since they are similar to the prospect’s industry.”
Avoid absolutes. For instance, imagine you are coaching Jack about his overbearing style as a project manager. You might be tempted to say, “Jack, you never listen to people.” This will not be helpful to Jack, because you’ve made it something absolute. Never say “never” or “always.” Better to say something like, “Jack, sometimes you’re not very good at listening.” This will be easier for Jack to take because you started with the word “sometimes,” which means sometimes he is good at listening.
Give examples. But this feedback is still general. So, follow it up with an example or two to make it specific. For example, “At the beginning of the team meeting yesterday, Mary was starting to tell us about her weekend, but you interrupted her to talk about your fishing trip. I noticed that she got quiet for the rest of the meeting.” Unless Jack totally lacks self-awareness, he will find it difficult to argue.
Best in person and one-on-one. Email is faster and easier, but it can be cold and impersonal. Give feedback in person, or at least by phone. Moreover, if the feedback might be a difficult conversation, do it one-on-one, if possible. If there is another person in the room, it can be hard for the recipient, who may lose face and become defensive. (This may not apply to disciplinary actions where you need to have a witness. But that’s a special case.)
Be calm. Keep this in mind especially when the feedback involves your interpersonal relationship with the other party. Delivering such feedback should not be an opportunity for you to get something off your chest. To be most effective, speak in a calm way. Arguing doesn’t help. That’s not to say that we should never deal with interpersonal conflict. We should. But it should be a sincere critique with the intention of improving the relationship. And be open to the possibility that you might be the problem or at least part of the problem. Then you can focus on how you can work better together rather than just pointing fingers at each other.
After considering these principles, we might think that it’s easier to simply avoid giving feedback. But that’s not good either. Healthy relationships, whether in the workplace or in our personal lives, depend on our being able to give and receive honest feedback. Otherwise, we do not have an environment of psychological safety.
Tailoring Feedback According to the Recipient’s DISC Style
I recently published a basic overview of DISC, a framework that I’ve found helpful in understanding my natural behavior tendencies and those of others. If you’re not familiar with DISC—or even if you are—look at that post now and see how to read your own DISC style and that of others.
To recap, DISC outlines four styles of normal human behavior. Although most people have a combination of two styles, nearly everyone has a predominant style:
Those with the D-style are naturally dominant. They like to take the lead, are results-oriented, and are driven to succeed. So, your feedback to Ds will be more readily received if you frame it as something that will help them reach their goals. They tend to be direct and do not have patience for those who beat around the bush. So, get to your point quickly and say it plainly. At the same time, they do not like to appear weak or disrespected. So, speak calmly and avoid getting into a debate.
People with the I-style are influencers. They are also natural leaders, but they like to accomplish things by working with others. They are more focused on building relationships than just getting tasks completed. They are always thinking about how to move the ball forward and get others on board. So, be sure to give your feedback in terms of how it will build their relationships and make them more effective in teaming.
People with an S-style are steady. They focus on security and continuity for themselves and those around them. They are typically warm, open, and accommodating. So, a friendly approach works well. Also, be sure to give feedback in a way that does not threaten their role or place in the team. Like the I-style, they enjoy working with others, so frame your feedback with any factors that affect others. But if you are their peer, be sure you get their permission to give them feedback when they have not asked for it. Otherwise, they might feel threatened.
Those with the C-style are conscientious. They are rule makers and rule followers. So if you can connect your feedback to some “best practice” or “rule,” they will be more likely to accept it. Be mindful that Cs can be sensitive to feedback about their work product. They have a need to be “correct.” So, if you find fault with something they’ve produced, they may be tempted to take it as a personal criticism.
The Same Feedback Given in Four Ways
Now, let’s imagine a situation where you sat in on an executive’s practice session for an important presentation scheduled for a company-wide audience next week. The presentation is about plans for a new corporate acquisition, and it’s critical for everyone to understand and buy into the plan.
You are at the same level in the organization as this executive. The executive didn’t ask for your feedback, but you are concerned that there is a term used that might offend some listeners. However, the presentation won’t be easy to change, because the term is a play on words and is used throughout the presentation. So, you set up a meeting to speak with the executive face-to-face, knowing that it’s too easy for an email message to be misunderstood.
Now, imagine four executives—Diane, Izzy, Stephanie, and Clark. See if you can guess the DISC style of each executive, based on how I tailored my feedback.
“Diane, overall I think it is good, but there is some terminology that you might want to change. Let me explain why, but you don’t need to respond right away. Take some time, sleep on it, and then make your decision. It’s totally up to you. If you want to discuss it further, let me know. I’m just here to support you.”
“Izzy, wow, I think this is going to really get the audience excited. You saw me laughing at that joke you threw in on the second slide. Mind if I borrow it? But I have a suggestion that I think would make this even more powerful and ensure no one takes it the wrong way. We want everyone to go away pumped about this acquisition. Let’s see what you think.”
“Stephanie, this is a thoughtful presentation. It flows well and I can tell you spent a lot of time on it. But I did see that you’re using a phrase that some of the audience might find offensive, and I know that’s the last thing you’d want. I have some suggestions to fix that. Can I share them with you?”
“Hi Clark, this is a good presentation. As usual, you identified the key details that will make this acquisition a success. There’s nothing wrong with what you shared, but I think there is one term you use that might risk offending some of the audience. I checked and I see that our corporate style guide (which you co-authored) doesn’t address this. But I found a couple of other sources that advise different terms to use instead of this one. Can I share those with you?”
As you’ve probably guessed, the four sample dialogs correspond to each of the four DISC styles, in sequence.
With Diane (a “D”), your approach is direct and to the point. Knowing her tendency to react impulsively, you suggest she take some time to think about your feedback. But Diane will still probably react immediately. At the same time, you are deferential to her, letting her know she’s in control and the decision on what to do is up to her. You won’t need to push. After she sleeps on it, she’ll either take your advice or check with some others.
Izzy (an “I”) is a natural cheerleader, always looking to move things forward. So, you show some excitement to match his natural mood. You want to make the presentation even more exciting. Just be sure you’re genuine and don’t overdo it, because Izzy is good at reading people and will know if you’re faking it.
With Stephanie (an “S”), you take a reassuring tone, acknowledging her efforts and your appreciation for her hard work. I imagine her as a good public speaker, despite her natural tendency to defer to others. Everyone likes her, and the last thing she’d want would be to offend anyone. Of the four, she’s the one that will be the most naturally receptive to your feedback, especially if it is given in a supportive, non-threatening, way.
Clark (a “C”) likes to do things by the book and has a need to be right. So, you start by telling him that there’s nothing “wrong” with his presentation but, rather, how it could be improved. And you frame your feedback in terms of compliance with relevant rules or best practices (assuming you can make that connection). At the same time, you acknowledge his knowledge and expertise. But be prepared that he might argue. If he argues, don’t push back. Just suggest that he sleep on it and then, perhaps, check with some others. Like Diane, he’ll probably do so, because the last thing he wants is to make a mistake.
As should be evident, giving feedback requires preparation, especially when it might be a difficult conversation. Take some time to think through the approach that will make your feedback easier to receive.
A Note about Formal Performance Reviews
Although we should give feedback in a variety of situations, we naturally think of it also in terms of performance reviews.
The problem with performance reviews, though, is that they are often done at two extremes. At one end they are treated as a check-the-box exercise to satisfy a corporate requirement. In such environments, employees are barely listening, waiting for the end to find out what their pay raise is or whether they’re getting a promotion. In other words, the review is not effective in helping the employee improve.
On the other end, the manager might use the review to vent the manager’s frustration with the employee. If the manager has not been giving feedback throughout the year, this can be a shock to the employee. In other words, the employee walks away hurt and doesn’t get help to improve.
A better approach is to give feedback to employees throughout the year, according to the principles in this post. Then when the time comes for the annual performance review, nothing is really a surprise. You will find it easy to start sentences with, “As we’ve discussed in the past…” And you can note any positive changes you’ve seen or whether further improvement is needed. And any change in compensation or job responsibilities should flow naturally from that.
I’m Frank Scavo. I cover issues and trends in enterprise technology, including lessons learned from a career of over 50 years. Subscribe for free to receive notification about new posts.
End Notes
Photo Credit: D&Z Sculpture
Related Posts
The Gift of Feedback. If it’s common sense, why don’t we welcome it?
A Framework for Understanding Ourselves and Others. The DISC model of human behavior
Psychological Safety in the Workplace. The top factor behind team effectiveness.
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One of my best tricks on feedback in addition to the above is to tie the feedback to the aspirational self of the individual - we all take feedback a lot better if it's given from someone who is trying to help us achieve a goal we have for ourselves.
Frank, that in itself was a great post. How we interact with people is huge if we can see ways to improve job performance. It truly helps if we can actually listen to those who want to give us constructive feedback, pointing us to a desired end. A little humility from both parties involved goes a long way to resolving either conflicting points of view or simply understanding a better way to make constructive progress. Thanks for writing.- Robert